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A Prologue

“Why are we always constantly being assigned jobs from the Archaeology Guild?!” Kara muttered loudly to herself.

“Because we’re the only team to have a psion,” Jaden grinned as he climbed down the flight of rusting ladder.

<That’s just horseshit> a deep but melodious voice echoed in their minds. <I neither can move the usual tons of earth surrounding those stupid relics, nor dig through rocks. Why won’t Dolye assign a team with an earth mage like Ewanna’s team is beyond me.>

“Because the Archaeology Guild is cheap. And our team is the cheapest. And we can get the same results as Ewanna’s team.” Jaden replied cheerfully.

<So you’re saying we should fail?>

“I dont think our resident warrior’s ego can handle failure.” the darked haired mage gave a small laugh, which earned him a friendly punch from Kara.

“You got that right!” Kara climbed down after Jaden. “And some light would be good too!”

Jaden snapped his right hand, and instantly a of spark of violet light materialised a few inches to the left of his head, lighting the dark and damp tunnel, and causing squeaks of alarm from the rats that scattered for safety. With a slight beckoning, he caused the orb to move a few paths ahead, hovering higher as to create better illumination. He grimaced as he glance around their surroundings.

<Great Goddess the smell…> the last member of the group, a tall slender man with unusual aqua coloured hair dressed in a sleeveless white tunic, and white leather pants and boots floated down.

“We are in the sewers after all,” Jaden reminded him. “And are you going to float all day?”

<I am so not taking a step in this filthy place!> the mental voice hissed. <I am wearing white!>

“I don’t get why psions have to wear white! White is such an impractical colour!” Kara snorted. “Now… black or brown… that is the colour of choice!”

The Empire of the Kosett was founded on the principles of discipline and order several thousand years ago to combat the chaos that permeated after the War of the Divines, which left the lands utterly battered and rife with unpredictable wild magic. Dangerous creatures roamed about, consumed with madness while plants, mutated by the energies leftover grew to monstrous proportions and even achieved limited sentience and mobility.

Ever resilience, the humans of Kosett took to task to heal the environment, even as the elves, dwarves, centaurs and nagas retreated back to their homelands, and set about establishing a set of routine that would give them purpose again. In order to differentiate the skillsets the early Kosetteans have, the first King of Kosett had them colour coded. Elemental mages of Earth, Fire, Air, Water, Darkness and Light would wear colours of their respective elements, while warriors, with their physical toiling on the field combating against fierce untamed abominations, were assigned a deep ebony shade. Clerics were allowed to wear the colours of their deities, and thus provided a colourful contrast to the uniform colours of the mage and warrior class. And then there were the psions, a very small number of the population who were born with mind abilities, who were highly feared due to their powers, were assigned white colour, perhaps in direct contrast to the warriors.

“That’s because warriors have no sense of style,” Jaden gave a bark of laughter.

<It’s because we psions are the most distrusted ones out of you lot, and thus the powers that be ruled that we have to wear the most visible colour.>

“To be fair, that’s because you lot can read minds,” Kara said bluntly as she took the lead, moving ahead, followed by Jaden, with the spark of flame always moving ahead of them. “By the way why are you speaking to us like this?”

<I am taking precaution just in case…>

“We’re in the old sewers of Hisarc! There is nothing here but rats and roaches!” Kara interrupted. “You think any normal sane bandit would be hiding here in the smell?”

<You’ll never know for…>

“Not that I am taking her side, but Vee… aren’t you wasting energy on these frivolous usage?” Jaden asked.

<Talking this way hardly uses much energy since I had already established a mental channel link to you both. It’s almost the same as using vocal chords.>

“How about floating?” Kara asked.

<It’s called levitation.> came an almost offended tone. <Floating is what you people call it. I’m only lifting myself for now. I’ll be fine.>

“Well, we really have no idea how far our objective is, save for this ridiculous filmsy map the guild gave us,” Kara took out the parchment from her waist pouch, and held it before the light which burned steadily without flickering unlike a normal flame.

<It’s the fecking sewers! I’m not getting my attire dirty! Look at your boots already! And we have barely moved a few yards!>

Jaden looked down at his footwear which already bore dark patches of red against his outfit of deep violet that bore his signature magic. “Well that’s because unlike you, the rest of us have no choice but to actually walk on foot!”

<That’s my point!>

“Okay boys, let’s get there as quickly as we can then,” Kara interjected smoothly from her experience with the two.

The tunnel before the trio stretched into a seemingly endless pitch darkness beyond. Moving with practised familiarity, they moved in relative silence, with only the sound of flowing water in the drains next to the pathway they were on.The sewer was a system of complicated tunnels that was originally the streets of the old city that had been destroyed, and buried thousands of years ago in the War of the Divines. The survivors of Hisarc simply rebuilt over it, and over time it became the dumping ground for waste matters of the modern capital city.

“I must say, having a psion in the team really makes life pretty easy for us,” Kara said suddenly, breaking the silence.

“How so?” Jaden inquired

“We’re down here walking through a bloody maze, and we have no need to lay any guiding precautions to get us back.” the warrior said, as she turned to the left tunnel. “It’s but impossible with my previous teams. I have never understood how you do that, Vee.”

<I simply looked through your memories of the way we came to. You may not be able to remember accurately, or track correctly, but I can see them clearly. As a backup, I can telepathically call on Dolye or anyone on the surface, and that would allow me to use their minds as a beacon.> the psion explained. <But the backup works only if we did not move out of range. So it is far easier that I see through what we did before.>

“Is this the worst place that you have been to?” Jaden asked Kara

Kara, or Lady Karatia Lucrecia Pentaghent, is the daughter of Lord Chancellor of Commerce, and the late Duchess Kathryn, who was a member of the royal family, being a first cousin of the ruling King. As the only child of the Lord Chancellor, and the Duchess, Kara had grown up in the castle where she excelled in the art of martial prowess, much to the disappointment of her father who had hoped she would follow in his footsteps instead.

By her fifteenth summer, she was formally inducted into the Warrior Guild where she trained further, eventually graduating as a master of swords. She had then joined the Adventurer Guild which is an organisation of a variety of skilled warriors and mages that specialised in matching up the needs of the Guilds in the city to any situation.

She had been a member of the guild far longer than the two and were assigned to two other teams prior before she made the request to be assigned to a new team with Jaden, whom she had known as a child, though their paths diverged significantly while growing up. Upon learning that he had just been accepted to the guild, she made the switch as she was having difficulties with the fire mage of her team. She was then introduced to Vvruvrivvn, a psion of a unique combination of mental abilities, who was a childhood playmate of Jaden, and also his bond-brother.

“Smell aside, no.” Kara replied. “I was almost waist deep in the swamp once while on assignment for the Traders Guild in Aramanthine a couple of years back. I was supposed to scout out a new route for them, and they somehow “failed” to inform me that it cuts through the swamp. And my team had a dwarf cleric.” she chuckled.

Jaden laughed. “By the gods that must have been really bad for him! Waist deep for you would practically be neck deep for him!”

“He was half swiming at some point. It was really a lousy assignment and once we completed it we demanded for extra compensation from Dolye. Fortunately the Traders Guild is not cheap like... the Archaeology Guild, and we got what we wanted.”

“Or maybe… Dolye let it slipped that the daughter of the Lord Chancellor of Commerce is scouting for them,” Jaden said slyly.

“That has crossed my mind before,” Kara admitted. “And of course, having a cleric in our team helped in securing the mission.”

“We need a cleric in our team! But its not going to happen.” Jaden reminded. “Most clerics do not want to be associated with a Darkness Mage.”

“Oh poo! Dark is not evil!” Kara rolled her eyes. “I have met plenty of really bad Light mages. And as well as fire. Like that bitch Lysanna.”

<Quiet. The both of you. We are not alone.>

Kara’s hand went to the hilt of her sword at once as both mage and warrior stopped in their tracks. <What is it?> she asked mentally.

<The rats have all went silent, haven’t you noticed?>

<Can you sense anything?> Jaden asked.

<That’s the thing. Not a bloody thing! I have been psi-scanning ahead and as far as I can tell there is nothing.> Vvruvrivvn said. <But something is definitely stirring.>

In the yawning darkness beyond the light, something seemed to be moving slowly. “Something is in front!” and Jaden reached within himself, and flung forth a bolt of dark violet energy ahead. “Heads up!”

The shadow bolt hit something in the slight distance, beyond the glow of Jaden’s orb, which exploded with violent energy splatters that briefly for a split moment illuminated the target.

<Argh it’s a bloody undead!> Vvruvrivvn groaned. <No wonder I couldn’t pick up anything around us. The undead have no mind!>

Kara stood ready with her now unsheathed sword, in her combat ready position. In the dimness of the area, she could not risk charging ahead into the darkness. “Can you tell how many in front?”

“Not until they come within our sight!” Jaden threw forth another bolt of shadow energy randomly ahead. “I’m at a disadvantage too when it comes to the undead! That’s why we need a bloody cleric!”

<Are we near our stupid relic?>

“We are about three quarters to our destination. It’s a plaque, remember what Dolye said. Palm sized,” Kara took a quick look at the map. “It’s a record of the duties of the priesthood of Aiona, the Goddess of Wisdom and Secrets.”

The unmistakable sounds of shuffling could be heard now ahead as the nearest undead moved into visible sight. It was a skeleton of a human, and it carried with him a rusty sword and a shield. Almost immediately, three more appeared in the light behind him.

“Argh it’s skeletons! I need time to unbind them,” Jaden bemoaned in frustration as he began a series of complex gestures and incomprehensionable arcane words. “Hold them off me while I cast my spell!”

Animated entirely by magic, skeletons are the first line of attacks or defenses that most Darkness mages will employ as bones of corpses are easiest to find. They do not do a lot of damage but can easily swarm a group without an elemental mage or a cleric. Ironically against another Darkness mage, they are relatively effective as most of Darkness spells are useless against a being without flesh and mind. The skeletons can be turned though if the magic binding them are undone, though it will take time to cast, by a Darkness, or Light mage, or a cleric.

At least five columns of skeletons can be seen clearly now, moving en masse towards the trio, taking up the whole walkway, intended on their target.

“Dammit we must have triggered some silent ward,” Kara cursed.

The skeletons were suddenly swept backwards by something invisible, and they fell beside each other. <I may not be able to get to their minds, but I can still affect their bodies.> Vvruvrivvn landed next to the deep in concentration Dark mage whose eyes were closed as he gestured in a series of intricate patterns as he chanted in the arcane language.

“Just how many are there?” Kara asked again. “We need to let them get closer to him. I know from past experiences with my cleric that these spells are proximity based.

<Or I can simply fly us ahead. You know that.>

“I also don’t want you to do so because the bloody map does not give any indication of distance! Who drew this map in the first place?!” Kara snarled.

The fallen ranks of skeletons got up, with more behind them moving steadily forward. Again they were swept backwards by an invisible force.

“Dammit,” Kara swore as the waters next to them started to ripple and more skeletons began rising out. “I didnt realise they are in the water too!”

Both front and side skeletons were flung backwards this time.

<Do you think I can move Jade?>

“No don’t. There will be backlash from the spell!” Kara said in alarm. “Can you allow them to come nearer to us? I want them all to be affected by his spell.”

Clustering themselves right next to Jaden, the two of them took up positions on his sides, Kara with her sword out but knowing bladed weapons are useless against bony undead, even enchanted ones like hers.  

The relentless undead kept moving forward, and this time while they got nearer than before, they can approach no further, as if barred by an invisible wall; tt was the psion’s telekinetic shield, halting their progress. While the skeletons have no mind of their own, having encountered a barrier, they raised their swords and shields, and begun swinging their weapons in front of them as if hacking away a physical wall.

Kara glanced at the psion who had beads of perspiration beaded on his forehead as he held the undead at bay. Meanwhile rows and rows of skeletons started to pour out from ahead of the tunnel and from the waters, and they started to surround them, unceasingly hammering away at the invisible wall that kept them from the living.

Slowly, the psion started to sway on his foot and Kara quickly supported him. With each passing moment, the skeletons seemed to inched closer as the invisible wall got smaller and smaller. Kara tried her best to hold onto Vvruvrivvn as he cried out in pain with each successive swing of the sword or shield.

“Jade, he can’t hold on much longer!” Kara called out urgently. “Do it now!”

As if by cue, the Dark mage opened his eyes. “Infermius!” he shouted and flung out a web of shadow energies around him. Swirly dark energies coalesce onto each skeleton and sunk into the joints and bone. Within moments, there was nothing standing but a pile of human bones in a heap around the trio.

“It’s about time,” Vvruvrivvn whispered tiredly.

“Vee!” Jaden cried out. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just a splitting headache. I may not be getting hit physically, but I can “feel” each blow mentally. Thank Astana your spell did not take long! I couldn’t hold for much longer. Too many of them attacking at the same time.”

“Ok the both of you take a rest now. I will keep watch for anything,” Kara said and she was going to help the psion take a seat when he brushed her off.

“Not on the ground. I’m wearing white.”

Both Jaden and Kara burst into laughter. “I swear you are more vain than Astana!” Kara exclaimed.

“I’m fine. That was not a major spell itself. It only takes time to cast it and I need to amplify it to encompass more than one. Now let’s take a look at the map and find out exactly how long more we are to continue for,” Jaden said. “I don’t get why we are assigned such a task with so little information.”

“Just let me rest for a while,” Vvruvrivvn said leaning against the mage.

“Right. Hand over the map, will you?” Jaden continued, and looked at it carefully. “So according to this garbage, there are no distance written? Alright then how about direction? Northwards it seems mostly. Going by pace, I say we should be currently below the central market square in the Trade district. And we should be going towards the docks area if we continue north. And if I remember my history lore correctly, that area was formerly a temple district to the various gods of old Hisarc.”

“So the guild may be right about this relic being there. How did this map get drawn without anyone setting off the ward? I don’t see any traces of this place being disturbed.” Vvruvrivvn mused. “I can’t imagine those idiots from the Archaeology Guild coming down here when there is nothing to dig here.”

“From what I gathered from Dolye, the guild pierced it together using clues from fragments of old poetry and song.” Kara recalled.

“Which is why there is no distance on this map, only direction.”

This is ridiculous! It could be miles away anywhere!” Vvruvrivvn scowled.

“No it couldn’t be. We are next to the docks,”

“We are also underground and limited by the layout! It may be next door up there but we can’t tell for sure with these tunnels! It could loop for a while before going north!”

“Boys!” Kara interrupted. “I suggest we return back to the surface, and arrange a meeting with Dolye and someone from the Archaeology Guild this time to give us more information! We are so not heading ahead blindly again!”

“I want to wring Dolye’s neck,” Vvruvrivvn growled.

“After I inflict some sores on him!” Jaden laughed and then his tone grew serious. “We should have not came here unprepared. We might need food supplies, weapons, and a bloody cleric!!!”

“That bloody Dolye said this would be an easy peasy task. Go down, go in, grab and go,” the psion said angrily. “MY ARSE!”

Jaden laughed heartily. “And you have to walk now!”

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Thick like fuck

So I have been Chaste and Celibate for the past three months, and it was more than I can bear. I was also highly conscious of the fact that I am sort of dating someone, and if things go well, the path of friendliness to cocks would have been barred to me. Hence I decided to make the best out of it, and I scanned my apps for suitable cocks. I NEED TO BE PLOWED!!!!!

Skipping all the boring parts for you guys here, when I met him, I have no idea he was that big. I mean his cock; we did not exchange any cock pics or any salacious pics in the first place. Wasting no time as his place has a timer limit to it, we quickly got down on bed. As I tongued and swapped spit with him, I can tell at once that he is quite a heavy smoker. His average sized nipples called out for attention, and I licked across them, remembering that he said he liked that. Yes you have to please your top before fucking so that he will please you back in return, so bottoms please do not dead fish much. Pay attention to what your top said.

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Your term?

So I am curious... to all the gay men who are in a relationship now, who had a relationship or will be getting into a relationship soon, what do you use to refer to yourself and your partner... to yourself, to your friends, to the public, to all. Specifically, do you refer yourself as the wife, or the husband?

In today's context, husband is simply the male partner in a marriage, as opposed to a wife who is the female partner. That's all dandy for a heterosexual relationship but what of a homosexual one? Does a top see himself as a man, and a btm a woman, thus referring themselves as husband and wife based on their preferred bed roles? For all those equality harpies screaming that those terms are archaic and not applicable, just forget all those extreme sexist connotations for a moment.

Does being a husband or wife mean anything to you? Going by what I assume is a sexist stance, the husband is the hunter, and the wife is the gatherer, which again is going by what we know as traditional values, though I must stress that what we see as "traditional" is simply what is best known, especially in this rather patriarchal world.

For me, while I don't see myself as female, I see myself as a wife. My "role" as a btm withstanding, I never felt comfortable since young to be the husband. As young as when I was in my early teens when I know that I liked guys; I always know that I would be the btm, and that I want to be a wife to my man. However I do not see that a wife has to submit to the husband or anything inferior. I just like being referred as the wife with my man as the husband.

Maybe partly I like certain domestic chores like cooking. Maybe I like to play the part of a dotting bf. Maybe... well I don't know. I'm not sure why and I welcome any psychoanalyst to view this! But what about the rest of you? Forgetting all the politically correct bullshit aside, do you see yourself as a husband, or the wife?

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A quickie for me... but a slowie for him


Me: When are u going to fuck me?!
Mr CG: Need to arrange.
Me: Why can't we do at your place?
Mr CG: Can't.
Me: Why not?
Mr CG: I stay in communal dormitory
Me: That sounds hot. Any of your fellow workers wanna fuck me too?
Mr CG: Don't want to share you.

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Trip to Vet

Just came back from the vet with Piglet. Took urgent leave. It was an exhaustive half day for me, with me breaking down at numerous points crying hysterically. Gods...

She seems fine now. Her x-rays are good. Her blood work is good. Liver, kidneys, bones etc all good. Thus vet is not that sure what exactly causes her to yelp so loudly, although she did have a minor urinary tract infection but that is being taken care of now with antibiotics. Doc also gave me some supplements to cope with the possibility of arthritis; it could be the reason though she also say that its very seldom that its a sudden burst of pain.

I'm absolutely drained now. I cried at home while waiting for the pet taxi, though BFF told me not to cos Piglet will sense my distress.

Pet taxi's vehicle didnt allow me to sit BEHIND with Piglet, so I have to sit at the back seat while Piglet was behind me. I almost went hysterical in the cab when driver asked me if she is okay. I blubbered, cried and almost lost it.

Piglet is not exactly the friendly type, which is why trips to the vet is always stressful for me. I had to hold her tightly to my chest while doc examined her, though she was snarling at some point if doc came too close to her front. Unfortunately I opted for X-rays and for that, they need to sedate her.

I never muzzle Piglet, and she hates to put things on. My hands were shaking as I tried to do so and she just shook her head. I didn't want to. Doc was kind and patient, but I was rapidly losing it. Doc's assistant was helping to hold.

Finally Doc said let them do it, and sent me out of the room, and as I let go of her with the assistant grabbing hold more, Piglet went berserk, and I totally lost it and had to depart to the other room, where I squatted down sobbing hysterically. I could hear Piglet barking her head off in fury and fear and pain, and my own cries grew even hysteric. Finally I hear her howl, and I cried even more. Doc's assistant came out and held my hand and told me it's fine... I just kept crying, which alarmed the shit out of this lovely girl seated in the waiting room as I came out.
She asked me what happened to my dog, and collecting myself as much as I could, I told her, and I apologise for the drama tears. She patted me and said it's fine; her dog, Zorro, was doing his best to get to my side because he smelled Piglet over me.

A few more minutes, and Doc said it was done, and Piglet was awake; sedation and waking injections are miraculous. She was struggling to get to me, and I quickly ran up to her. She was calling out for me, and I was trying to cuddle her and listen to what the Doc was trying to say. Finally Doc said leave her in the room and go to the next room.
X-ray was fine. Blood was ok. No diseases, no illness. Just a minor urinary infection. Her bones seemed fine, a bit indicative of a typical 9 year old dog, but nothing alarming. It could be arthritis but it could also be the infection. At this point of time, in terms of physiologically, nothing looks wrong. I got some antibiotics, anti-inflammatory pills, and supplements. Doc also told me to get a sample of her urine once the medication is finished.

Waited for the pet taxi to arrive, I was dead exhausted, tired and hot. So was Piglet. She hardly "said much" in the vehicle but just gaze out the window while panting; usually she'll be fidgeting much.

She is now sleeping as I am typing this, and I am much too worried and drained to sleep.

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I am a true blue Chinese, I am "a little sad", hahahaha, to say. That is to say, as far as I know, both my maternal and paternal lineage has always been Chinese; no other racial bloodline possibly ever entered into the mix! But while I am pure Chinese, I am very interested in the Peranakan culture, primarily because it is sociology, anthropology and history rolled into one.

Hence when Sammi posted up details about him performing in a Peranakan play last year at The Substation, I jumped at it. I asked my BFF to come along and he was more than interested, as he IS Peranakan(and others!).We had such an enjoyable time last year that when this year, Sammi asked if we were interested to watch the play again, we gladly said yes.

Sammi told us that this year's tickets would be slightly higher than last year as this year, it was held in Jubilee Hall in Raffles Hotel. I am fine with it, as a bigger venue probably meant that last year was a success. Thus I am more than eager to watch it.

Unfortunately... UNFORTUNATELY, this year was terrible.

From start to the end, I felt as if I was watching a play that was written by, commissioned, endorsed and approved by the Singapore Armed Forces. It was full of typical government propaganda extoling the virtues of National Service and the entire play revolved around it. Similarly, replace the cast with a full ethnic Chinese or Malay or Indian or even Caucasian, and you would not even notice any difference. Yup the only thing Peranakan about the entire play is the costumes.

Essentially the play is about National Service, the importance of National Service, National Service, National Service, and National Service. Pray do tell me what relevance National Service has for Peranakan culture that other races do not share? Do mothers of other races/cultures not feel nervous for their sons for National Service? Do mothers of other races/cultures not feel worried for their sons entering National Service? What is so Peranakan about the play, please enlighten me! Except for the bit about Chinese New Year eating or not eating nasi lemak... which is WTF?

Last year the Peranakan theme was strong, and for a lesser budget, they had more actors in speaking roles. This year, they had more expensive tickets, with less actors in lesser speaking roles. Last year, with cheaper tickets, they gave away a little bag, with program highlights, a small bottle of mineral water(and some mints though I can't remember exactly). This year, they gave away a little bag... with a postcard? and no program highlight?

The location, Raffles Hotel's Jubilee Hall, might be awesome in terms of historic value, but for modern giants like me and BFF, it was a nightmare to squeeze our giant-selves into teeny weeny tiny little seats. And by the way, children needs to be banned from plays; I had a walking talking very loudly commentary going on behind me who was asking in a loud voice if that is a boy or a girl, and is that is a ghost and essentially why why why this why that. Just SHUT YOUR KID UP.

This year the play also included a couple, comprising of an Indian man, and a Nigerian woman, who plays a pair of "con-artists", and are totally unnecessary to the storyline, and totally irrelevant in terms of Peranakan-ness. Most bafflingly of all, they dressed the Nigerian woman in Peranakan attire even though in the play, she brand herself as INTERNATIONAL. So if she is supposed to be an international fortune teller, shouldn't she be dressed in her own native exotic Nigerian attire??? Their dialogue was just... boring, and their appearance looked more as if that they are fillers for the stage crew to set up additional props or for the main cast to have a break.

The Peranakan aunties, were nice to watch. The highlight... the ONLY highlight of the play, rest solely on the shoulders of Sammi, and Yati(the maid), who were absolutely hilarious in their characters. If not for the fact that Sammi was acting in it, and the tickets were more bloody expensive than last year, I would have walked out in the middle of the play, after yelling "IS THIS PLAY SPONSORED BY SAF????"

Honestly the scriptwriter ought to be fired.

And I really have to consider if to watch next year, if there is a next year.

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The Date

So he said if I am going to write about the date, and I was thinking it's not that bad an idea given that he already reads this journal. It would be interesting on his part to view things from my perspective. And anyways it sounded like a challenge, so duly accepted!

It's our first official date, though it wasn't the first time we have met. However it would not be correct either to say that we have known each other for long. He has actually saw me before at an outing, but the blur-fuck oblivious me did not notice him so up till "Recently" I have no idea who is he!

The date started with both of us being later than the stipulated time; him was navigating an amazingly complicated transfers of trains, and I had a last minute discussion with my colleagues. Before leaving the office, I freshened up as much as I could, and then getting my gift for him prepared. Originally I wanted to give him something straight from florigraphy, the disused practise of flower language which reached its height of popularity in the Victorian era. Unfortunately tulips is quite a seasonal flower and I did not preorder anyways; I just got a single stalk of the simple gerbera. In addition to the flower, I got for him a snowskin mooncake as he had mentioned that he likes snowskin ones.

So I was very excited for our first date, and judging from conversations, I think he was as well. As I handed him the paperbag containing the flower and the mooncake, he looked shy and embarrassed, and of course I am too, in addition to being anxious about the whole thing. I have never ever bought flowers(or a single flower) for a guy before and I was too, on unfamiliar grounds.

We walked over to our dinner venue, where we spent some time telling each other about some of our darkest histories. As agreed prior, we are avoiding any mention or topics that involves ex boyfriends, but I found a way around it by using the term, "taboo subject" instead of "ex". But overall it was good as now I got to know him even more.

After dinner we went over to Mustafa as we each wanted to get something. His natural rock salt mined from child slave labour and handpicked by virgins under the full moon was relatively easy to find. It was my rice paper that was almost insanely impossible to get; the Indian staff routinely kept trying to direct me to paper products(stationery), to chappati section, to rice grains section, bakery and pasta section. I was rapidly losing my patience and temper with the constant round and round and round. I think we spent like 45 minutes just looking for it! He was very patient and cool though, which eased my hot-headedness about it; seriously I was about to blow my top on an unfortunate sales staff! In the end however, as I kept asking staff after staff at different locations, one finally know eactly what I was talking about, and directed us to the correct aisle! FINALLY YEAH!!!

Following the shopping trip, we decided to grab some drinks, and we walked all the way down to Parklane, reminscing, talking and in general knowing each other even more. I really like him. No I don't love him yet. But I am definitely very interested.

At Macdonalds, where we had our drinks, we talked about it, and yes we still am keeping things slow and steady. Personally for my side, I don't want to rush into things and partly also because I know he is a chaser. I am not chub and I never will be(vanity won't allow me), and I won't know if he will decide that visual appearance is more important to him; and there is also the sexual attraction aspect. In this, I will defer to his decision. It is easier for me because while I have preferences for certain types of guys and body types, I never fixate myself on it. I date a variety types of men, and my exes run the gamut from being skinny lean to meatier builds.

Just like what I texted him afterwards, right now I just want to soar under the wings of the wind and see where it brings me too.

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Aug. 14th, 2014

So I am making slow... but steady(I hope!) progress on my music in terms of learning the techniques. I am still pretty new in the theory of music though as I simply either don't have the time, and am just too mentally tired to read through it.

Most of the time whenever I reach home from work, I am physically tired and mentally drained, and the last thing I want to do is study. I hardly even play games on weekdays nights now, preferring to just surf through Facebook and Twitter, and turn on my Youtube. I may not even be watching videos but just listening to the dialogue if I have a movie going on on Youtube.

I don't even have mood for sex these days. I think with the increase of my various friends getting poz, it has sort of resulted in the dampening of my desire for random mindless sex significantly. I'm just not say as interested in fucking with anyone, and it has already been 3 months since my last fuck.

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Social Class

A tribute to the RMS Titanic and her passengers, who perished on 15 April 1912, the movie Titanic has remained till this day one of my most favourite movies of all time.
History aside, I cried so much for the senseless loss of human lives that were callously flung aside in the name of social class. I wept for the lives that were lost in the name of social hierarchy. I shed tears of rage over the ridiculous notion of human pride, and most importantly of all, I cried because I know this is not just a fictional love story that Hollywood had crafted out of the thin air; there were many couples and families on board the RMS Titanic. Couples with their full lives ahead of them, families with their futures ahead of them... most but lost underneath the frigid Atlantic waves simply because a variety of human reasons.
Even though more than 15 years have passed since the movie, its haunting music still stirs at my hidden psyche. I remembered watching this with my first crush, when I was just a lad in NS, and him already a young working adult. I remembered bawling my eyes out so much in the theatre that it took us 10 minutes before we could leave; my face was red and eyes & nose swollen from crying. I remembered him giving me all his tissue packets, and wiping away at my tears. I remembered him holding onto me tightly as we left, gently asking if I need a cup of hot tea.

Oh yes I remembered all those details. It was at Cineleisure, and he was in black tee-shirt and blue jeans. I had only came out officially not too long ago, and he was 1 of the first few gay people that I got to know. Perhaps it is also because of him that the movie was etched even deeper in my memory. True history + first crush is quite a potent combination.

It has been more than a hundred years since the Titanic sunk and perhaps none in the modern age would have even remembered that tragedy if not for James Cameron. The story of the Titanic also reinforced to me the dreadful evils of social class that unfortunately seems unavoidable. Maybe social class is what it is like to be sentient and sapien. I mean look at lions, hyenas, elephants, the great apes, and even honey bees for example. Can living beings do without this class system? Can we truly live without a social class or will we degenerate to utter chaos?

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Dining in the Dark

The Bear Project decided to go for an experiential outing this time round, and chosen "Dining in the Dark", quite similar concept to the one at Nox with similar visually handicapped servers, except that this one is located at the Singapore Association for the Visually Handicapped, with proceeds of the dinner going directly to them.

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First Month's Lessons


So begins my acolytehood into the Bardic College where I approach with much enthusiasm and excitement, despite lukewarm(or even cold) response from my Mum. It's actually one of my favourite instruments, and I just want to master it as a personal achievement. Yesterday marked my 4th week(lessons are once per week) aka a month, and most of you would be curious over how I have progressed.

Here's a blow by blow account of each lesson:

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Arts? You suck.

Let me tell you, in my family, being artistic or musical, gets you plenty of scorn, ridicule and in general, grudging support.

Take for example when I was in my teens, when I was sketching and drawing and I wanted to go into an arts school, I got greeted with disappointed looks, scathing remarks of how being an artist means you will be a broke penniless beggar. Even when I successfully passed the school's entry tests, I still get no praise of how genuine my talent is or I am actually good. Instead I got nagged about the upcoming very very very expensive school fees because my art school is a private one, and not a government school.

Never mind. Let's fast forward to the present now.

So there I was, all excited about signing up for music lessons. It has always been a personal achievement of mine to be as close as possible to the gods. While you do need to have real talent for singing, playing an instrument still can be scrapped by with enough practise. Of course you would never be truly great like my BFF's brother, but at least I could play a decent tune.

My BFF was of course super supportive and even spoken of getting a really good instrument for me for my birthday. His brother was just as supportive. Naturally I wanted my Mum to know what I was doing, and so I walked into her room and told her that I would be slightly late on Monday nights because that's when my music lessons take place.

"Why learn music???" she asked.

Immediately I got irritated. "Why cannot??" I retorted.

"Why MUST learn music??" she asked again.

"Why cannot????" I retorted again, my volume increasing drastically.

I went out of her room and into my room to fetch my instrument, thinking to show her how beautiful it is, and what a piece of history it represent, and how committed am I about learning it. I entered her room again. "Look this is what I am learning," I gestured at the case.

"Waste this kind of money!" was her first line uttered.

I walked out of the room immediately, damned fucking pissed off. She called me back but I ignored. This is exactly like how it was when I was in my teens. Anything in the arts field, means its no good. History, art, music... all these are useless and I should have studied hard and excel in Mathematics, Science and be a businessman, doctor, engineer and all that crap.

Here I am in my adult years, and using my OWN money to pursue my own interest, and not a single ounce of support came forth. And people wondered why I am much closer to my BFF than my own family.

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Fast and Furious Fuck


Guy: Hi
Me: Hello.
Guy: U're cute
Me: Thanks. U top?
Guy: Yes. You btm?
Me: Yes. Wanna fuck?
Guy: Me don't have place.
Me: Me too
Guy: But my workplace can.

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Pick Your One

Attraction is a huge thing in organisms that engage in sexual reproduction, especially in complex creatures, and further even more in homo-sapiens. From a pure biological point of view, there are a lot of things going on when you deemed someone else interesting. As shown in the video above, our external senses are involved heavily in determining that.

However much studies devoted to attraction focused primarily on heterosexual people, with a predominant emphasis on eventual reproduction as the goal. Based on what science already knows, females pick their potential mates using cues that suggest stability and, ability to procure for her and offspring while males, being the horny bastards they are, pick on basis on attractiveness, youthfulness and fertility. Studies have also shown that males gravitated towards females who are ovulating at the moment; of course there are many factors influencing the laws of attraction but in this instance it is focusing on the physiological aspect.

But what of the homosexual couple? I know I have done this topic before some time back, but I would like to rehash it again. Removing all traces of reproductive goals, what physiological cues do we look for when we look for a mate? Does our primal need for sex come with any "reproductive" agenda behind? When we see a man with strong shoulders and a nice curve to the back, while I am sure many gay men will immediately think of sex, does it have any reproductive subtext to it?

Going further, do bottoms pick their tops with the unconscious requirement of the latter being able to provide for him? What possible influence do we draw upon when we pick the man of our dreams?

When I was younger and job-hopping with very little security, one of the criteria I look for in a man is the ability to take care of me in every manner. Now that I am working and earning my own keep, I no longer require that trait. It is nice to have, but not an absolute anymore. These days I look more towards whether can the man satisfy me emotionally(and physically!).

I find the manner in which gay people find their partners a very fascinating subject as obviously reproduction and biological offspring hardly factor in to making the decision to pick the man. But we are ultimately still genetically the same as any heterosexual person. Question now is of course, do we still react physiologically? Would we be more attracted, in the broadest sense, to a woman who is ovulating than one who is not, despite having not the least ounce of sexual attraction to her? Do tops and bottoms pick their men with physiological traits influencing?

I guess what I want to know is, while we are of the same species but different sexual orientation, just how similar and different we are from each other? Just how do you pick your mate?

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While having dinner with some friends over the weekend, one of them asked me at point-blank, "When are you going to settle down?" with the unspoken implication of with someone.

Perplexed, and irked, I replied, " Why do you need to settle down with someone? Isn't oneself enough?"

" Maybe when you are 40, you will sing a different tune. We'll see by then if you will still say the same," he retorted.

" Perhaps I might. It is true. I am still young, hale and hearty, and still a ripe prune. Maybe when I am old, I may wish to be with someone. But why do we need to? Is one person's wholeness and happiness only valid if you are "settled" down with someone?" I replied.

There is too much emphasis and social implication on the concept of being in a relationship that it practically elevates you to sainthood if you are in one, and particularly a long-term relationship. Maybe I am being overly cynical now, but honestly at that point of time, I felt that that friend in question, had a snide and condescending note to the question; his long term partner, kept quiet beside him.

So what if I am single? Does that mean I am not settled down? Just a question to everyone who may be reading this, why does being settled automatically mean being with someone? Is a single person not capable of settling down? And just on that note, what does settling down mean? Forming a relationship? Getting married? Going by that, single by choice people are not settled down? What of People of the Cloth? Does that mean they are forever not settled down?

Of course... again you can always say that I am only being this way because I am still relatively young, and still in demand. Yes I totally agree with that. Humanity have always felt invincible in the bloom of youth, and only when disaster or old age have come upon them do they grasp the concept of mortality.

Which brings me back to the original question. Is being single so that bad? Should everyone pursue a relationship as the most sacred and important career/choice?

I supposed I'm really going to Hell now. Gay AND single.

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The gay top, the gay btm, and the bi top

So there I was having a relaxing early evening when my phone beeped with a WhatsApp message. "Oh it's from Mr I", as I saw the name. "Well long time no fuck.". I scanned through the message and then my eyebrows rose; he was asking me over as he had got me another top! I mean I have been asking him for threesome for the longest time, but we or he never really went out canvasing seriously for it.
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Straight Guy?

As much as I like to think and portray myself as a simple person, I don't think I am. Then again, very few human beings are. Perhaps to be human is to be complicated.

I like the excitement of dating. I like the feeling of euphoria as you indulge in the feverish pang of courtship. However it has to be done on my terms, and preferably with me the one initiating. To put it bluntly, I'm the chaser. I always am. Btm I may be, passive I am not.

So this guy that I have been sort of seeing, I'm fine with him. But he is chasing me. Yeah yeah some of you will exclaim that I'm a "lucky girl" and all that but honestly I don't really like it. In addition, his very concept of this whole love spectrum is totally anathema to me.

To him it's love at first sight. He claims that he is not like the typical gay guys who dates a lot and also he has never had sex before. Interestingly enough, he identifies himself as straight, though I am not sure what that means to him as he could mean "straight-acting". Yeah yeah I always get straight and bisexual guys. Hooray for me.

Honestly? I don't believe a single word of it. I'm jaded, and I'm a cynical bitch. I don't believe in love at first sight; I believe in lust at first sight. I don't believe people never had sex by 40, and I just don't believe that he is what he says. I don't.

Problem? He treats as if we have already been together for years. I am barely ready for a relationship!! I don't like the sudden restriction on my time. I RESENT the time being taken away from my gaming, sleeping and just me time to go out with him. In general I am fine with him. I may be fond of him. He does have moments that make me giggle quietly to myself; like he would try to put his arms around my shoulders, and considering how tall I am, and how short he is, it's quite funny. For a supposedly straight identified guy, he is rather touchy in public, always constantly wrapping around my shoulders, body contact etc.

It is unfortunately that for me, love is not an instant mix you pour out of a sachet. I am sorry I am just not that kind of guy.

Most of all, I still have yet to fully let go of Mr ICC. I still miss him after all this time. :(

In light of all these, I am rapidly losing my patience, cool, and I think I will end up exploding to him, and then once I have successfully alienated him away from my life, my singles lifestyle will come back. Brilliant eh?

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Doublebooked again!


So my place happens to be available, and I quickly sent out a flurry to text, waiting to see which FB bites. Mr Hobbit replied, said he would come over. And then Mr Monstrous Cock also replied saying he will come over… around the same time as Mr Hobbit!

Fuck! I double booked again, which in my defense only happened ONCE. Frantically I texted the two of them trying to get a sense of who would arrive first. Ideally Mr Hobbit should reach first as he stays slightly nearer, and he did respond first; most importantly his cock is smaller. Way way way smaller. His fucking should prep my ass nicely for Mr Monstrous Cock.

When Mr Hobbit was standing outside my front door, I was actually scowling at him because he took some time to get over. "Oei hurry leh! I going out later," I lied.

"What time?" he said apologetically.

" 30 minutes time. Hurry up and fuck now," I practically dragged him to the bedroom.

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I am not an activist of any sort. If there really is a cause I would champion however, rest assure that it would be something animal/plant/environmentally related; I am the least interested in anything related to my own species.

However that being said, I do not take kindly to derogatory bashing remarks towards my own community. I may not be a fervent support of Pink Dot, and all that organizations, and while I don't seem to be affected much by 377A, I do recognise that I am still part of the community.

Spewing forth volatile hate speech towards gays, peppering liberally with choice words like faggots really made me lose any form of respect for you. What is even more surprising, or even ironic, is that all these are coming from a fellow gay person, or so he heavily claims. He cites that our attention queen wannabes are the drug taking sluts with utterly no morals, like trying to "rape him while he was drunk". He argues further that we must be policed, short of herding us into concentration camps, and then that's where I lost him in his sea of hatred. Something about class system and all that.

Apparently there are no men trying to rape women in the heterosexual world. No heterosexuals take drugs as well; only homosexuals take drugs. Only "faggots" love to club endlessly and once they spot any man, they rush towards him in their feverish attempt to rape him. He is also so gorgeous that every gay man wants to suck his cock. The list goes on and on and on and on. The amount of self-righteousness coming from him simply sickens me.

So anyway, I have unfriend him on Facebook, and since we never met in the first place, I feel nothing in removing him. Even though we are on the same "side" in terms of certain ideals and beliefs for our country, rest assure that we are not friends. Not after his not just once, but numerous hate speech on faggots and how 377A is good for society, with all the straight people on his list reading through that. It pisses me off that instead of trying to work together, he is simply attributing his personal experiences and then blacklisting the entire community of gay people. What is even laudable that his "life experiences" are that so far are of a twenty year old person. Apparently at age 20, he is of the ripe sagely age to pass comments on lifestyle and judge an entire community of people based on the actions of a small faction.

In short, continue to rant on the atrocities of faggots, cocksuckers and utterly moral-less sluts. Continue to scream for fire and brimstone on the evils of gay people. I am sure the straight people on your list applauds you for revealing just how depraved and vile we faggots truly are

P.S. While we stand together in solidarity in our beliefs for a better Singapore, henceforth you go your own righteous path while the faggot me will walk down the path to hell.

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The Big Cock


He asked me for a fuck numerous times already, and always I rejected him because I'm just such a bitch. But today I decided to give him a try and thus I agreed to fuck with him.

Note to all: Blocks in CCK are ridiculously hard to find. Apparently we are supposed to "Find Wally" with the block numbers painted carefully in a discreet and obscure place where few people can find. Add the "upgrading" construction and obstruction going on, it took me 15 minutes to reach his place, with me boiling with rage.

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"Equal" Rights eh?


"So many complains about the NS (http://alvinology.com/2013/10/04/on-alex-liang-a-singaporean-who-gave-up-his-singapore-citizenship/). I’m a female and I’ve formed my opinions on NS much earlier on, and it so happened that it coincides with that of Janice (on that website) and admin Yun.

Just feel that Men are born differently from Women and we each have different duties to fulfill. Men are given strength, and are thus given the duty to protect – their children, their wives. Women are given empathy and the ability to reproduce and are, most of the time, doing the supporting roles.

Given such, while I do feel that NS is “a waste of time”, but I also feel that it’s a necessity to toughen the boys up as well as for our country to build up our defense.

As for the topic of compulsory NS for women, are you really keen for that? Truly? What if we’re pregnant? What if we’re indeed trained soldiers and the enemy attacks? Will you stand by and watch as we charge forth to attack the enemy? Or will you strive to protect us, as well as your dignity?

As for the new foreigners, true that they have just settled in and might not deserve all the privileges that a true blue Singaporean should have. But if we do start dividing the new citizen and “old” citizen (aka true blood Singaporeans), how are we to attract more people in to replenish our aging population? Do you really want to pay half of your income to the government in future? (please don’t answer “yes”, because if it really happens, there ain’t gonna be a NTU Alumni Confessions page for you to complain at) All those new citizens who came in will help to boost our economy and they will also provide future economical and societal benefits because the tax that they pay will spread out the effects of aging population. We’re a small island country and we can’t afford to have the government discriminating against the solution we need. PLUS, they’re serving NS all the same, so please also treat them with the same respect. Yes, they might complain and all, but hey, didn’t you complain too? If you yourself, a true blue Singaporean, aren’t willing to serve NS, why should the new citizens serve NS willingly? For one, they didn’t grow up here…

Complain if you must, boys, but NS is here to stay and I’d say it’s important that it stays. Same for globalization and new citizens."


"Women are given empathy and the ability to reproduce and are, most of the time, doing the supporting roles."

Apparently only women are given the ability to reproduce. Men evidently have no such ability to reproduce. Human beings must have come from eggs from females and spores from mushrooms.

Support roles? Then u should be rightfully in the kitchen, and home. Men work outside and women work the home. Why are we allowing women to work outside? They should be in the home 24/7!!

And since ONLY women are given the ability to reproduce, and since we have a population crisis, each women must give birth to at least 12 babies.

This is 1 of the reasons why I detest some women so much. They love talking about crap that they have no idea about.

Until your fucking sex is serving "National" Service like males, don't talk to me about "equal" fucking rights and how "oppressed" you are here.

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My fuck with Mr I on Sat night


The last time I have fucked with Mr I, it was BEFORE the Lunar New Year. That was almost 9 months ago!!!! I didn't fuck with him because I was busy, he was busy, I starting dating Mr High Elf and all that crap. But finally at last, he came back from his business trip, and I am a free woman now.

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E & printed books

I am not that tech savvy nor am I crazily excited over new tech toys that come out, like the new iPhone5S/5C. I hardly even utilise much of my phone & apps to its fullest potential except for game apps. It was why I never felt the need to get an iPad because I know I would hardly use it.

Now that my boss has bought us each an iPad, and I finally discovered or succumbed to the magic of ebooks, I went on a crazy download spree and got myself like over 50 ebooks at once! I marvel at the ease that the "printed" world is now available at the click of a button. It is considerably cheaper or even at no costs as I downloaded free torrents. Compared to how much I spend on Amazon ordering books, and paying MOSTLY for goddamn shipping fees, which at times, costs MORE THAN THE BOOKS itself!! It's really absurd!

Comics however... are a different ballgame. While e-comics are definitely cheaper than printed comics, it is not exactly that cheaper! You can easily spend over $50 bucks on a series arc before you realise it.

But I still hold a fondness for the actual printed work. The smell of books is still intoxicating to my nasal sense. I still love flipping an actual page, never mind that I am killing trees though. I like holding onto a paperback and devouring pages and pages of text; I loathe hardcovers and I would never never get one if I can help it. I waited an entire year for the new Dresden Files novel to be out in paperback!!

What do you think? Will ebooks eventually supplant printed books? Environmentally speaking, in the long run, will ebook be better of, considering we cut lesser trees for paper, though I don't know how much environmental waste we produce in producing an iPad or Kindle. 

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Suddenly... I thought of him

I still think of him.

While time has certainly lessened the hurt and anger, it doesn't at all lessened all the memories I had spending with him. Ever since I spotted him at Buona Vista MRT station, each time my train stops there, I scan eagerly yet nervously at the crowd waiting to get in, half hoping that he would be there.

I still wonder how is he getting along. Is he still on that same job? I hope so as it was an upgrade compared to that shitty retail job. I wondered whether has he finished clearing his debts. I wondered if he has fared so far. Has he found a new boyfriend? Is the new boyfriend treating him well? How are his nieces and nephew, and sister doing? How is his mother getting along?

As my birthday approaches, so is his. I wonder if anyone is celebrating with him.

Then I asked myself. Why do I care? Why do I still think of him?

Time may fly. Time may be unforgiving and relentless. But time will never erase what we had.

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If you are late... NO CIM!!!!


"Bro you free now? Come over fuck me" I texted 1 of the fuckbuddies I have. I actually asked him last week but he said his mum passed away. O_O'
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