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So I have been Chaste and Celibate for the past three months, and it was more than I can bear. I was also highly conscious of the fact that I am sort of dating someone, and if things go well, the path of friendliness to cocks would have been barred to me. Hence I decided to make the best out of it, and I scanned my apps for suitable cocks. I NEED TO BE PLOWED!!!!!
Skipping all the boring parts for you guys here, when I met him, I have no idea he was that big. I mean his cock; we did not exchange any cock pics or any salacious pics in the first place. Wasting no time as his place has a timer limit to it, we quickly got down on bed. As I tongued and swapped spit with him, I can tell at once that he is quite a heavy smoker. His average sized nipples called out for attention, and I licked across them, remembering that he said he liked that. Yes you have to please your top before fucking so that he will please you back in return, so bottoms please do not dead fish much. Pay attention to what your top said.
- Current Mood: satisfied
- Current Music:小蘋果 - 筷子兄弟
So I am curious... to all the gay men who are in a relationship now, who had a relationship or will be getting into a relationship soon, what do you use to refer to yourself and your partner... to yourself, to your friends, to the public, to all. Specifically, do you refer yourself as the wife, or the husband?
In today's context, husband is simply the male partner in a marriage, as opposed to a wife who is the female partner. That's all dandy for a heterosexual relationship but what of a homosexual one? Does a top see himself as a man, and a btm a woman, thus referring themselves as husband and wife based on their preferred bed roles? For all those equality harpies screaming that those terms are archaic and not applicable, just forget all those extreme sexist connotations for a moment.
Does being a husband or wife mean anything to you? Going by what I assume is a sexist stance, the husband is the hunter, and the wife is the gatherer, which again is going by what we know as traditional values, though I must stress that what we see as "traditional" is simply what is best known, especially in this rather patriarchal world.
For me, while I don't see myself as female, I see myself as a wife. My "role" as a btm withstanding, I never felt comfortable since young to be the husband. As young as when I was in my early teens when I know that I liked guys; I always know that I would be the btm, and that I want to be a wife to my man. However I do not see that a wife has to submit to the husband or anything inferior. I just like being referred as the wife with my man as the husband.
Maybe partly I like certain domestic chores like cooking. Maybe I like to play the part of a dotting bf. Maybe... well I don't know. I'm not sure why and I welcome any psychoanalyst to view this! But what about the rest of you? Forgetting all the politically correct bullshit aside, do you see yourself as a husband, or the wife?
Mr CG: Need to arrange.
Me: Why can't we do at your place?
Mr CG: Can't.
Me: Why not?
Mr CG: I stay in communal dormitory
Me: That sounds hot. Any of your fellow workers wanna fuck me too?
Mr CG: Don't want to share you.
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- Current Mood: bored
- Current Music:GAMEFALL - Robin Skouteris Vs Consoul Trainin (Mashup)
Just came back from the vet with Piglet. Took urgent leave. It was an exhaustive half day for me, with me breaking down at numerous points crying hysterically. Gods...
She is now sleeping as I am typing this, and I am much too worried and drained to sleep.
- Current Mood:upset
I am a true blue Chinese, I am "a little sad", hahahaha, to say. That is to say, as far as I know, both my maternal and paternal lineage has always been Chinese; no other racial bloodline possibly ever entered into the mix! But while I am pure Chinese, I am very interested in the Peranakan culture, primarily because it is sociology, anthropology and history rolled into one.
Hence when Sammi posted up details about him performing in a Peranakan play last year at The Substation, I jumped at it. I asked my BFF to come along and he was more than interested, as he IS Peranakan(and others!).We had such an enjoyable time last year that when this year, Sammi asked if we were interested to watch the play again, we gladly said yes.
Sammi told us that this year's tickets would be slightly higher than last year as this year, it was held in Jubilee Hall in Raffles Hotel. I am fine with it, as a bigger venue probably meant that last year was a success. Thus I am more than eager to watch it.
Unfortunately... UNFORTUNATELY, this year was terrible.
From start to the end, I felt as if I was watching a play that was written by, commissioned, endorsed and approved by the Singapore Armed Forces. It was full of typical government propaganda extoling the virtues of National Service and the entire play revolved around it. Similarly, replace the cast with a full ethnic Chinese or Malay or Indian or even Caucasian, and you would not even notice any difference. Yup the only thing Peranakan about the entire play is the costumes.
Essentially the play is about National Service, the importance of National Service, National Service, National Service, and National Service. Pray do tell me what relevance National Service has for Peranakan culture that other races do not share? Do mothers of other races/cultures not feel nervous for their sons for National Service? Do mothers of other races/cultures not feel worried for their sons entering National Service? What is so Peranakan about the play, please enlighten me! Except for the bit about Chinese New Year eating or not eating nasi lemak... which is WTF?
Last year the Peranakan theme was strong, and for a lesser budget, they had more actors in speaking roles. This year, they had more expensive tickets, with less actors in lesser speaking roles. Last year, with cheaper tickets, they gave away a little bag, with program highlights, a small bottle of mineral water(and some mints though I can't remember exactly). This year, they gave away a little bag... with a postcard? and no program highlight?
The location, Raffles Hotel's Jubilee Hall, might be awesome in terms of historic value, but for modern giants like me and BFF, it was a nightmare to squeeze our giant-selves into teeny weeny tiny little seats. And by the way, children needs to be banned from plays; I had a walking talking very loudly commentary going on behind me who was asking in a loud voice if that is a boy or a girl, and is that is a ghost and essentially why why why this why that. Just SHUT YOUR KID UP.
This year the play also included a couple, comprising of an Indian man, and a Nigerian woman, who plays a pair of "con-artists", and are totally unnecessary to the storyline, and totally irrelevant in terms of Peranakan-ness. Most bafflingly of all, they dressed the Nigerian woman in Peranakan attire even though in the play, she brand herself as INTERNATIONAL. So if she is supposed to be an international fortune teller, shouldn't she be dressed in her own native exotic Nigerian attire??? Their dialogue was just... boring, and their appearance looked more as if that they are fillers for the stage crew to set up additional props or for the main cast to have a break.
The Peranakan aunties, were nice to watch. The highlight... the ONLY highlight of the play, rest solely on the shoulders of Sammi, and Yati(the maid), who were absolutely hilarious in their characters. If not for the fact that Sammi was acting in it, and the tickets were more bloody expensive than last year, I would have walked out in the middle of the play, after yelling "IS THIS PLAY SPONSORED BY SAF????"
Honestly the scriptwriter ought to be fired.
And I really have to consider if to watch next year, if there is a next year.
- Current Mood:Disgusted
So he said if I am going to write about the date, and I was thinking it's not that bad an idea given that he already reads this journal. It would be interesting on his part to view things from my perspective. And anyways it sounded like a challenge, so duly accepted!
It's our first official date, though it wasn't the first time we have met. However it would not be correct either to say that we have known each other for long. He has actually saw me before at an outing, but the blur-fuck oblivious me did not notice him so up till "Recently" I have no idea who is he!
So I was very excited for our first date, and judging from conversations, I think he was as well. As I handed him the paperbag containing the flower and the mooncake, he looked shy and embarrassed, and of course I am too, in addition to being anxious about the whole thing. I have never ever bought flowers(or a single flower) for a guy before and I was too, on unfamiliar grounds.
We walked over to our dinner venue, where we spent some time telling each other about some of our darkest histories. As agreed prior, we are avoiding any mention or topics that involves ex boyfriends, but I found a way around it by using the term, "taboo subject" instead of "ex". But overall it was good as now I got to know him even more.
Following the shopping trip, we decided to grab some drinks, and we walked all the way down to Parklane, reminscing, talking and in general knowing each other even more. I really like him. No I don't love him yet. But I am definitely very interested.
- Current Mood: tired
- Current Music:Aqua - Turn Back Time
Most of the time whenever I reach home from work, I am physically tired and mentally drained, and the last thing I want to do is study. I hardly even play games on weekdays nights now, preferring to just surf through Facebook and Twitter, and turn on my Youtube. I may not even be watching videos but just listening to the dialogue if I have a movie going on on Youtube.
I don't even have mood for sex these days. I think with the increase of my various friends getting poz, it has sort of resulted in the dampening of my desire for random mindless sex significantly. I'm just not say as interested in fucking with anyone, and it has already been 3 months since my last fuck.
- Current Mood:Tired
Oh yes I remembered all those details. It was at Cineleisure, and he was in black tee-shirt and blue jeans. I had only came out officially not too long ago, and he was 1 of the first few gay people that I got to know. Perhaps it is also because of him that the movie was etched even deeper in my memory. True history + first crush is quite a potent combination.
It has been more than a hundred years since the Titanic sunk and perhaps none in the modern age would have even remembered that tragedy if not for James Cameron. The story of the Titanic also reinforced to me the dreadful evils of social class that unfortunately seems unavoidable. Maybe social class is what it is like to be sentient and sapien. I mean look at lions, hyenas, elephants, the great apes, and even honey bees for example. Can living beings do without this class system? Can we truly live without a social class or will we degenerate to utter chaos?
- Current Mood: complacent
- Current Music:Titanic OST - Rose
The Bear Project decided to go for an experiential outing this time round, and chosen "Dining in the Dark", quite similar concept to the one at Nox with similar visually handicapped servers, except that this one is located at the Singapore Association for the Visually Handicapped, with proceeds of the dinner going directly to them.
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- Current Mood: distressed
- Current Music:Expose - I'll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me
So begins my acolytehood into the Bardic College where I approach with much enthusiasm and excitement, despite lukewarm(or even cold) response from my Mum. It's actually one of my favourite instruments, and I just want to master it as a personal achievement. Yesterday marked my 4th week(lessons are once per week) aka a month, and most of you would be curious over how I have progressed.
Here's a blow by blow account of each lesson:
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- Current Mood: geeky
- Current Music:Rihanna - Diamonds
Let me tell you, in my family, being artistic or musical, gets you plenty of scorn, ridicule and in general, grudging support.
Take for example when I was in my teens, when I was sketching and drawing and I wanted to go into an arts school, I got greeted with disappointed looks, scathing remarks of how being an artist means you will be a broke penniless beggar. Even when I successfully passed the school's entry tests, I still get no praise of how genuine my talent is or I am actually good. Instead I got nagged about the upcoming very very very expensive school fees because my art school is a private one, and not a government school.
Never mind. Let's fast forward to the present now.
So there I was, all excited about signing up for music lessons. It has always been a personal achievement of mine to be as close as possible to the gods. While you do need to have real talent for singing, playing an instrument still can be scrapped by with enough practise. Of course you would never be truly great like my BFF's brother, but at least I could play a decent tune.
My BFF was of course super supportive and even spoken of getting a really good instrument for me for my birthday. His brother was just as supportive. Naturally I wanted my Mum to know what I was doing, and so I walked into her room and told her that I would be slightly late on Monday nights because that's when my music lessons take place.
"Why learn music???" she asked.
Immediately I got irritated. "Why cannot??" I retorted.
"Why MUST learn music??" she asked again.
"Why cannot????" I retorted again, my volume increasing drastically.
I went out of her room and into my room to fetch my instrument, thinking to show her how beautiful it is, and what a piece of history it represent, and how committed am I about learning it. I entered her room again. "Look this is what I am learning," I gestured at the case.
"Waste this kind of money!" was her first line uttered.
Here I am in my adult years, and using my OWN money to pursue my own interest, and not a single ounce of support came forth. And people wondered why I am much closer to my BFF than my own family.
- Current Mood: pissed off
- Current Music:Spice Girls - Stop
Attraction is a huge thing in organisms that engage in sexual reproduction, especially in complex creatures, and further even more in homo-sapiens. From a pure biological point of view, there are a lot of things going on when you deemed someone else interesting. As shown in the video above, our external senses are involved heavily in determining that.
However much studies devoted to attraction focused primarily on heterosexual people, with a predominant emphasis on eventual reproduction as the goal. Based on what science already knows, females pick their potential mates using cues that suggest stability and, ability to procure for her and offspring while males, being the horny bastards they are, pick on basis on attractiveness, youthfulness and fertility. Studies have also shown that males gravitated towards females who are ovulating at the moment; of course there are many factors influencing the laws of attraction but in this instance it is focusing on the physiological aspect.
But what of the homosexual couple? I know I have done this topic before some time back, but I would like to rehash it again. Removing all traces of reproductive goals, what physiological cues do we look for when we look for a mate? Does our primal need for sex come with any "reproductive" agenda behind? When we see a man with strong shoulders and a nice curve to the back, while I am sure many gay men will immediately think of sex, does it have any reproductive subtext to it?
Going further, do bottoms pick their tops with the unconscious requirement of the latter being able to provide for him? What possible influence do we draw upon when we pick the man of our dreams?
When I was younger and job-hopping with very little security, one of the criteria I look for in a man is the ability to take care of me in every manner. Now that I am working and earning my own keep, I no longer require that trait. It is nice to have, but not an absolute anymore. These days I look more towards whether can the man satisfy me emotionally(and physically!).
I find the manner in which gay people find their partners a very fascinating subject as obviously reproduction and biological offspring hardly factor in to making the decision to pick the man. But we are ultimately still genetically the same as any heterosexual person. Question now is of course, do we still react physiologically? Would we be more attracted, in the broadest sense, to a woman who is ovulating than one who is not, despite having not the least ounce of sexual attraction to her? Do tops and bottoms pick their men with physiological traits influencing?
I guess what I want to know is, while we are of the same species but different sexual orientation, just how similar and different we are from each other? Just how do you pick your mate?
- Current Mood: dorky
- Current Music:Madonna - Celebration
Perplexed, and irked, I replied, " Why do you need to settle down with someone? Isn't oneself enough?"
" Maybe when you are 40, you will sing a different tune. We'll see by then if you will still say the same," he retorted.
" Perhaps I might. It is true. I am still young, hale and hearty, and still a ripe prune. Maybe when I am old, I may wish to be with someone. But why do we need to? Is one person's wholeness and happiness only valid if you are "settled" down with someone?" I replied.
There is too much emphasis and social implication on the concept of being in a relationship that it practically elevates you to sainthood if you are in one, and particularly a long-term relationship. Maybe I am being overly cynical now, but honestly at that point of time, I felt that that friend in question, had a snide and condescending note to the question; his long term partner, kept quiet beside him.
So what if I am single? Does that mean I am not settled down? Just a question to everyone who may be reading this, why does being settled automatically mean being with someone? Is a single person not capable of settling down? And just on that note, what does settling down mean? Forming a relationship? Getting married? Going by that, single by choice people are not settled down? What of People of the Cloth? Does that mean they are forever not settled down?
Of course... again you can always say that I am only being this way because I am still relatively young, and still in demand. Yes I totally agree with that. Humanity have always felt invincible in the bloom of youth, and only when disaster or old age have come upon them do they grasp the concept of mortality.
Which brings me back to the original question. Is being single so that bad? Should everyone pursue a relationship as the most sacred and important career/choice?
I supposed I'm really going to Hell now. Gay AND single.
- Current Mood: aggravated
- Current Music:Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield - What Have I Done To Deserve This?
So there I was having a relaxing early evening when my phone beeped with a WhatsApp message. "Oh it's from Mr I", as I saw the name. "Well long time no fuck.". I scanned through the message and then my eyebrows rose; he was asking me over as he had got me another top! I mean I have been asking him for threesome for the longest time, but we or he never really went out canvasing seriously for it.
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- Current Mood: accomplished
- Current Music:I Will Always Love You (Hex Hector Club Mix)
As much as I like to think and portray myself as a simple person, I don't think I am. Then again, very few human beings are. Perhaps to be human is to be complicated.
I like the excitement of dating. I like the feeling of euphoria as you indulge in the feverish pang of courtship. However it has to be done on my terms, and preferably with me the one initiating. To put it bluntly, I'm the chaser. I always am. Btm I may be, passive I am not.
So this guy that I have been sort of seeing, I'm fine with him. But he is chasing me. Yeah yeah some of you will exclaim that I'm a "lucky girl" and all that but honestly I don't really like it. In addition, his very concept of this whole love spectrum is totally anathema to me.
To him it's love at first sight. He claims that he is not like the typical gay guys who dates a lot and also he has never had sex before. Interestingly enough, he identifies himself as straight, though I am not sure what that means to him as he could mean "straight-acting". Yeah yeah I always get straight and bisexual guys. Hooray for me.
Honestly? I don't believe a single word of it. I'm jaded, and I'm a cynical bitch. I don't believe in love at first sight; I believe in lust at first sight. I don't believe people never had sex by 40, and I just don't believe that he is what he says. I don't.
Problem? He treats as if we have already been together for years. I am barely ready for a relationship!! I don't like the sudden restriction on my time. I RESENT the time being taken away from my gaming, sleeping and just me time to go out with him. In general I am fine with him. I may be fond of him. He does have moments that make me giggle quietly to myself; like he would try to put his arms around my shoulders, and considering how tall I am, and how short he is, it's quite funny. For a supposedly straight identified guy, he is rather touchy in public, always constantly wrapping around my shoulders, body contact etc.
It is unfortunately that for me, love is not an instant mix you pour out of a sachet. I am sorry I am just not that kind of guy.
Most of all, I still have yet to fully let go of Mr ICC. I still miss him after all this time. :(
In light of all these, I am rapidly losing my patience, cool, and I think I will end up exploding to him, and then once I have successfully alienated him away from my life, my singles lifestyle will come back. Brilliant eh?
So my place happens to be available, and I quickly sent out a flurry to text, waiting to see which FB bites. Mr Hobbit replied, said he would come over. And then Mr Monstrous Cock also replied saying he will come over… around the same time as Mr Hobbit!
Fuck! I double booked again, which in my defense only happened ONCE. Frantically I texted the two of them trying to get a sense of who would arrive first. Ideally Mr Hobbit should reach first as he stays slightly nearer, and he did respond first; most importantly his cock is smaller. Way way way smaller. His fucking should prep my ass nicely for Mr Monstrous Cock.
When Mr Hobbit was standing outside my front door, I was actually scowling at him because he took some time to get over. "Oei hurry leh! I going out later," I lied.
"What time?" he said apologetically.
" 30 minutes time. Hurry up and fuck now," I practically dragged him to the bedroom.
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- Current Mood:Sick
I am not an activist of any sort. If there really is a cause I would champion however, rest assure that it would be something animal/plant/environmentally related; I am the least interested in anything related to my own species.
However that being said, I do not take kindly to derogatory bashing remarks towards my own community. I may not be a fervent support of Pink Dot, and all that organizations, and while I don't seem to be affected much by 377A, I do recognise that I am still part of the community.
Spewing forth volatile hate speech towards gays, peppering liberally with choice words like faggots really made me lose any form of respect for you. What is even more surprising, or even ironic, is that all these are coming from a fellow gay person, or so he heavily claims. He cites that our attention queen wannabes are the drug taking sluts with utterly no morals, like trying to "rape him while he was drunk". He argues further that we must be policed, short of herding us into concentration camps, and then that's where I lost him in his sea of hatred. Something about class system and all that.
Apparently there are no men trying to rape women in the heterosexual world. No heterosexuals take drugs as well; only homosexuals take drugs. Only "faggots" love to club endlessly and once they spot any man, they rush towards him in their feverish attempt to rape him. He is also so gorgeous that every gay man wants to suck his cock. The list goes on and on and on and on. The amount of self-righteousness coming from him simply sickens me.
So anyway, I have unfriend him on Facebook, and since we never met in the first place, I feel nothing in removing him. Even though we are on the same "side" in terms of certain ideals and beliefs for our country, rest assure that we are not friends. Not after his not just once, but numerous hate speech on faggots and how 377A is good for society, with all the straight people on his list reading through that. It pisses me off that instead of trying to work together, he is simply attributing his personal experiences and then blacklisting the entire community of gay people. What is even laudable that his "life experiences" are that so far are of a twenty year old person. Apparently at age 20, he is of the ripe sagely age to pass comments on lifestyle and judge an entire community of people based on the actions of a small faction.
In short, continue to rant on the atrocities of faggots, cocksuckers and utterly moral-less sluts. Continue to scream for fire and brimstone on the evils of gay people. I am sure the straight people on your list applauds you for revealing just how depraved and vile we faggots truly are
P.S. While we stand together in solidarity in our beliefs for a better Singapore, henceforth you go your own righteous path while the faggot me will walk down the path to hell.
- Current Mood:Pissed off
He asked me for a fuck numerous times already, and always I rejected him because I'm just such a bitch. But today I decided to give him a try and thus I agreed to fuck with him.
Note to all: Blocks in CCK are ridiculously hard to find. Apparently we are supposed to "Find Wally" with the block numbers painted carefully in a discreet and obscure place where few people can find. Add the "upgrading" construction and obstruction going on, it took me 15 minutes to reach his place, with me boiling with rage.
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- Current Mood:Horny
- Current Music:Rihanna - Diamonds
"So many complains about the NS (http://alvinology.com/2013/10/04/on-al
Just feel that Men are born differently from Women and we each have different duties to fulfill. Men are given strength, and are thus given the duty to protect – their children, their wives. Women are given empathy and the ability to reproduce and are, most of the time, doing the supporting roles.
Given such, while I do feel that NS is “a waste of time”, but I also feel that it’s a necessity to toughen the boys up as well as for our country to build up our defense.
As for the topic of compulsory NS for women, are you really keen for that? Truly? What if we’re pregnant? What if we’re indeed trained soldiers and the enemy attacks? Will you stand by and watch as we charge forth to attack the enemy? Or will you strive to protect us, as well as your dignity?
As for the new foreigners, true that they have just settled in and might not deserve all the privileges that a true blue Singaporean should have. But if we do start dividing the new citizen and “old” citizen (aka true blood Singaporeans), how are we to attract more people in to replenish our aging population? Do you really want to pay half of your income to the government in future? (please don’t answer “yes”, because if it really happens, there ain’t gonna be a NTU Alumni Confessions page for you to complain at) All those new citizens who came in will help to boost our economy and they will also provide future economical and societal benefits because the tax that they pay will spread out the effects of aging population. We’re a small island country and we can’t afford to have the government discriminating against the solution we need. PLUS, they’re serving NS all the same, so please also treat them with the same respect. Yes, they might complain and all, but hey, didn’t you complain too? If you yourself, a true blue Singaporean, aren’t willing to serve NS, why should the new citizens serve NS willingly? For one, they didn’t grow up here…
Complain if you must, boys, but NS is here to stay and I’d say it’s important that it stays. Same for globalization and new citizens."
"Women are given empathy and the ability to reproduce and are, most of the time, doing the supporting roles."
Apparently only women are given the ability to reproduce. Men evidently have no such ability to reproduce. Human beings must have come from eggs from females and spores from mushrooms.
Support roles? Then u should be rightfully in the kitchen, and home. Men work outside and women work the home. Why are we allowing women to work outside? They should be in the home 24/7!!
And since ONLY women are given the ability to reproduce, and since we have a population crisis, each women must give birth to at least 12 babies.
This is 1 of the reasons why I detest some women so much. They love talking about crap that they have no idea about.
Until your fucking sex is serving "National" Service like males, don't talk to me about "equal" fucking rights and how "oppressed" you are here.
The last time I have fucked with Mr I, it was BEFORE the Lunar New Year. That was almost 9 months ago!!!! I didn't fuck with him because I was busy, he was busy, I starting dating Mr High Elf and all that crap. But finally at last, he came back from his business trip, and I am a free woman now.
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- Current Mood: horny
- Current Music:Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You (Hex Hector Club Mix)
I am not that tech savvy nor am I crazily excited over new tech toys that come out, like the new iPhone5S/5C. I hardly even utilise much of my phone & apps to its fullest potential except for game apps. It was why I never felt the need to get an iPad because I know I would hardly use it.
Now that my boss has bought us each an iPad, and I finally discovered or succumbed to the magic of ebooks, I went on a crazy download spree and got myself like over 50 ebooks at once! I marvel at the ease that the "printed" world is now available at the click of a button. It is considerably cheaper or even at no costs as I downloaded free torrents. Compared to how much I spend on Amazon ordering books, and paying MOSTLY for goddamn shipping fees, which at times, costs MORE THAN THE BOOKS itself!! It's really absurd!
Comics however... are a different ballgame. While e-comics are definitely cheaper than printed comics, it is not exactly that cheaper! You can easily spend over $50 bucks on a series arc before you realise it.
But I still hold a fondness for the actual printed work. The smell of books is still intoxicating to my nasal sense. I still love flipping an actual page, never mind that I am killing trees though. I like holding onto a paperback and devouring pages and pages of text; I loathe hardcovers and I would never never get one if I can help it. I waited an entire year for the new Dresden Files novel to be out in paperback!!
What do you think? Will ebooks eventually supplant printed books? Environmentally speaking, in the long run, will ebook be better of, considering we cut lesser trees for paper, though I don't know how much environmental waste we produce in producing an iPad or Kindle.
- Current Mood: contemplative
- Current Music:Lana Del Ray - Young and Beautiful
I still think of him.
While time has certainly lessened the hurt and anger, it doesn't at all lessened all the memories I had spending with him. Ever since I spotted him at Buona Vista MRT station, each time my train stops there, I scan eagerly yet nervously at the crowd waiting to get in, half hoping that he would be there.
I still wonder how is he getting along. Is he still on that same job? I hope so as it was an upgrade compared to that shitty retail job. I wondered whether has he finished clearing his debts. I wondered if he has fared so far. Has he found a new boyfriend? Is the new boyfriend treating him well? How are his nieces and nephew, and sister doing? How is his mother getting along?
As my birthday approaches, so is his. I wonder if anyone is celebrating with him.
Then I asked myself. Why do I care? Why do I still think of him?
Time may fly. Time may be unforgiving and relentless. But time will never erase what we had.
- Current Mood: pensive
- Current Music:Christina Perri - A Thousand Years
As you all know I have the ability of the 3rd Eye. It's not something I request for, though by now I am more than used to it.
I remembered being afraid when I was a kid when I realise that some "people" I see seems not right. I slowly got used to them though they have a tendency to stare at me because I was staring at them. Because this ability soon grew so familiar to me, I never really bat an eyelash much when I see them. Sometimes I may get a shock or a chill, but then I'll shrug and get on with what I was doing.
During the Lunar 7th Month, which is the Hungry Ghost Festival, entertainment would be put up for the dead, and as well as for the living. Traditionally it used to be opera but it has since faded much, with modern forms of singing replacing it. Rows of chairs would be put up for the audience to sit, or you can simply bring your own chair.
However the one unbroken cardinal rule is that the front row... the first row... is solely reserved for the unseen guests. It is always empty... to most people.
I know it sounded REALLY REALLY strange for me to say this now, but I only realize that those seats were NEVER EMPTY TO ME. I mean I KNOW those seats are reserved for them, but because I ALWAYS see it being seat, I ALWAYS ALWAYS thought that it was an archaic rule that nobody paid attention to now!
I only realise this when my colleagues were talking about it, and I made a casual remark, "No leh... I always see people seated on the front row!"
There was silence around the lunch table and then it was then I realise what I was saying. Oh my god holy shit I didn't realise until... like 30+ years later???? I was that... blind/dumb???
- Current Mood: shocked
- Current Music:Tamia - Stranger In My House